Breaking Free From Anxiety
Upshur Bren Psychology Group Hosts Program on Helping Your Child Break Free From Anxiety
Co-Founders of Upshur Bren presented expert guidance about how parents can learn to interact with their children in ways that help reduce the child’s anxiety.
[Pelham, NY, 12/21/22] -- Parents can take simple steps to help their child break free from anxiety, as I learned along with dozens of other parents and mental health clinicians in a program co-sponsored by Upshur Bren Psychology Group, the Pelham Education Foundation, Pelham Together, the Junior League of Pelham, and Tig & Peach on December 13th at The Picture House. The program began with Dr. Eli Lebowitz’s short documentary “Breaking Free of Anxiety,” about his Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) methodology for reducing childhood anxiety. Dr. Lebowitz then joined hosts Dr. Emily Upshur and Dr. Sarah Bren, co-founders of Upshur Bren Psychology Group, for a panel discussion and Q&A with audience members. SPACE is unique in that it focuses solely on the behaviors of the parents and does not ask the child to change their behavior. Working with a parent to implement SPACE is as effective as doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with an anxious child, according to a study done by Lebowitz’s team at Yale University’s Child Study Center.
The theory behind SPACE is that a parent’s instinct to help a child avoid anxious feelings, instead inadvertently perpetuates those feelings. When a parent “accommodates” the child’s distress by stepping in to change the environment, the parent deprives the child of an opportunity to learn to tolerate the distressing feelings and to manage the situation that is causing the anxiety. Stopping this accommodating behavior is the goal of SPACE; in the absence of the parental accommodations they have come to rely on, the child is allowed to experience some appropriate levels of distress. “As a result,” explains Dr. Bren, “the child eventually builds up a tolerance for the experience of anxiety, reducing their anxious symptoms, and increasing independence and self-reliance.”
The film follows two families as they work with therapists using the SPACE methodology. Drs. Lebowitz, Upshur and Bren further detailed the steps involved. First, a gradual break from the old patterns is required; a parent would first track what accommodations they are doing on a regular basis. They will then pick one accommodation to eliminate, with the help of a carefully developed plan. A parent will then sit down with her child and explain, in effect: “I’ve realized that, by always answering and reassuring you when you have worries about school, I’m not helping you feel less anxious about school. So, starting tomorrow, I’m no longer going to answer repeated questions about school. I know this may feel hard at first, but I know you can handle it.” The therapist works with the parent to anticipate the child’s response to this new way of doing things, to plan and troubleshoot, and to ensure the child’s safety throughout the process. The key components, the experts emphasized, are consistently communicating both support (by validating the child’s anxious feelings) and confidence (belief that the child can handle the feelings and the situation).
Dr. Upshur provided examples of the two types of accommodations: participation and modification. With participation, a parent whose child is anxious about going to sleep alone in her room will read several books, say good night multiple times, or lie in bed at length with the child. With modification, a parent whose child is anxious about separating from the parent may cancel plans to go out to dinner with friends or come home early from work to avoid triggering the child’s anxiety. Anxiety, Dr. Bren explained, is often a fear of being afraid; the antidote is not to avoid the situation, but to learn to tolerate the distress and to act in the face of it. Over the course of months, the parent will repeatedly communicate to the child, “I know this is really hard, but I know you can handle it.” The parent is a mirror for the child and demonstrates the confidence that the child will eventually internalize.
Although this sounds straightforward, Dr. Upshur emphasized that parents of anxious children need to learn to manage their own distress as they watch their child struggle. This is where working with a therapist can have tremendous value. The therapist will coach and support the parent until they can consistently reduce accommodating behaviors.
If you are interested in learning more about how to support an anxious child, or if you are repeatedly frustrated or overwhelmed by the amount of accommodations you are engaging in, SPACE may be a helpful approach. Several of the therapists in the Upshur Bren Psychology Group have been trained in the SPACE program and offer individual counseling. For parents who want to learn the fundamentals of SPACE, Upshur Bren Psychology Group also offers 4-week group programs and enrollment is open for the January session. Click on this link to schedule a free phone consultation to explore whether the group would be a good fit for you. Additional resources, including the film and books by Dr. Lebowitz, are available on the SPACE treatment website.