By Melissa Ronan

To families with school-aged children, the start of school in September is a big transition – leaving behind the ease and fun of summer and moving into the structure of the “new year.” This year, that transition looms larger than ever, with increased uncertainties and stressors that can easily overwhelm us. But by taking control of what we can -- by reconsidering our household decisions and family budgets, by availing ourselves of our support networks, and by adapting our mindsets and expectations – we may all be able to “Keep Calm and Carry On,” despite Covid-19.

The ongoing pandemic brings distinct challenges to our health, jobs, families, relationships and finances, but most of all it brings uncertainty. Uncertainty is uncomfortable because we aren’t in control, we can’t effectively plan, and we may feel fearful or anxious. How do we arrange childcare when we’re not sure when, or how often, or for how many weeks or months, our kids will be in school? How do we make a family calendar when plans are changing day by day? How do we decide about get-togethers with our friends and our children’s friends when we can’t be certain to what extent they’re following the social distancing guidelines?

One solution for coping with uncertainty is to accept that there are things we cannot control, while identifying those things that we can control, no matter how small. We can’t control what the school district decides about in-person classes versus remote learning. But we can control what space each person in our family will use to study or work and how that space will be organized (and maybe even decorated). We can’t control whether school sports take place, but we can find opportunities for our kids to exercise and play socially-distanced games outside with their friends. We can’t control the need to constantly balance work and family, but we can prioritize our well-being – sleep, exercise, eating healthy and squeezing in time with friends -- to keep us mentally strong.

Speaking of friends…. in normal times, we lean on a friend for support when we’re overburdened. During the pandemic, we likely need to reach deeper into our network and build multiple layers of support. We may need to seek out an assortment of friends, human resources at work, trusted colleagues, a religious leader at our place of worship, and maybe a mental health professional.

Reconsidering our budgets and financial priorities may also help us through this temporary crisis. If we are lucky enough, we may decide that it’s worth spending additional money on childcare or tutoring or tasks around the house, even though that impacts our savings or forces us to cut back in other areas. We each need to figure out, where will our money have the most impact on our ability to cope with the pandemic conditions for the next several months, and what can we live without?

We need practical strategies to promote a positive mindset as we close in on six months of living through a pandemic. Alcoholics Anonymous, which has supported millions of people in getting and staying sober, offers tools that can help anyone through challenging times. “One day at a time“: concentrate only on getting through the day right in front of you, rather than worrying about the weeks and months ahead. Sometimes circumstances are so difficult that we need to re-calibrate that to “one hour at a time.” “H.A.L.T.”: ask yourself if you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired -- and address those basic needs first whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s amazing how our mental strength is affected by any one of those stressors. “Keep it simple”: minimize your commitments and to-do list to keep your life manageable.

As we consider letting go of some responsibilities, we might also benefit from letting go of some of our expectations: for classes as they start back up; for our teachers as they launch the hybrid model of teaching; for our children, as they adapt to this new scenario; and for each other, as we each try to find what works for our families. In this community, we are used to having high expectations – and to having them met. But, just as none of us would likely say we’ve operated at a peak level in our own personal or work lives over the past six months, the same holds true for everyone else in our community. Let’s remember the trust and respect our administrators and teachers have earned in the past, and the support we’ve always generously given to one another in times of need. We can start the school year with patience, open mindedness and a positive attitude. By setting this example for our children, we will help them adapt and set them up for a successful year.

We will get through this as Pelham always does – together.