Webinar hosted by Rosalind Wiseman and Cultures of Dignity

On October 8, 2020, Cultures of Dignity hosted a webinar on the topic of support for our children during distance learning. As Rosalind shared, "We have situations we have never faced before and the only way we can get through is to work together. Our relationships are going to repair our communities and our villages." The following are the key takeaways from the discussion. There is also a link to the recorded webinar and to the slides, for those interested.

We all want our kids to be happy, but how will I know if they’re happy? Rosalind encourages parents to help their children be happy by understanding the factors that contribute to happiness:

• Finding meaning beyond themselves, by using their talents and experience to help others.

• Feeling hope for success, which is vital to our mental health.

• Making regular social connections, which is essential for their well-being.

• Engaging in satisfying work, whether related to school or personal interests.

• Identifying a place to process and find peace, and spending time there regularly.

How much screen time should I let my child have? There are three categories of screen time: connection, creation and consumption. Based on studies of the effect of these types of screen time on kids, Rosalind advises limiting time for connection (texting, Facetime, multi-person video gaming) and creation (making videos, creating a web page) to 90 minutes to 2 hours per day. This is in addition to the time they need to be on their computers for virtual learning and homework. Rosalind suggests keeping consumption, e.g. scrolling through social media, to a minimum, because of the proven negative effects on kids.

I fight with my kids all the time about having their phones in their rooms before bed. Should I give up on this?Studies show that screen time before bed has an adverse effect on sleep. Rosalind advises parents to restrict use of phones for at least the hour immediately before bedtime. Parents should explain the need to calm your brain and encourage kids to forego their screens as a type of self-care.

How can I better manage difficult conversations with my teenager? Limit conversations to less than ten minutes because your child will likely shut down after that. Similarly, pick two or three main points to discuss, because more than that is likely to be overwhelming. Don’t repeat yourself. If the conversation becomes too intense, agree to take a pause, either briefly or until the next day. And give your child space to self-reflect after the conversation; don’t follow up with texts or follow them around the house to see how they’re reacting.

When my adolescent daughter gets into fights with her friends, sometimes the friends’ mothers want to get involved. My instinct is to stay out of it. What do you think? Rosalind advises a middle ground: getting involved only to help the girls learn to resolve conflicts on their own, rather than helping to actually resolve the conflict.